Where You Lead

When Faith Is Weak

Okay, so it’s time to pray. Something is up and I need prayers. I need God’s hand on those I love and those who we’ve chosen to trust in this most important situation. So, what’s the problem?

It hasn’t been so long ago that I turned everything over to God, sat calmly reading my bible passages or praying, and waiting for Him to take care of everything. My faith was strong and I had no trouble being patient as I awaited the news. I was sure the news would be favorable.

It wasn’t. Everything fell apart. He didn’t take care of us the way I’d prayed. Even now, so many months later, I can’t quite figure out what good came of all that. In fact, today’s problems are mostly a continuation – and an expensive continuation, at that – of that terrible outcome.

So now I’m here and trying to pray all over again. I’m trying to believe that God will take care of this, that the previous let down had a reason and that it’s all in His plan. I’m trying to have faith. I’m not at peace as I was before, so I guess my faith isn’t as strong. Does that mean I’ve failed in some way? Does that mean God is not happy with my lack of faith and won’t answer my prayers? I don’t know. Only time will tell that.

In the meantime, I’m left to wonder about this Faith thing. Faith the size of a mustard seed is enough to move a mountain. Yet, my faith hasn’t moved anything. And so I doubt. My faith is weakened.

My prayer, then, is that God renew my faith. I pray that my faith remains strong no matter today’s outcome.

Prayer of Jabez

Several years ago, my mother told me about a book that was supposed to be very moving. The Prayer of Jabez had not yet branched off into the “for women” or “for teens” editions. I read the book and something happened to me. My heart opened and my faith we reborn.

I was raised Catholic and still am. I love my Catholic faith. The Prayer of Jabez didn’t distract from that but rather, added to it. It brought my faith into sharper focus. The Prayer of Jabez for Women touched me even deeper and since then, my faith – and my spirituality – has grown. I’m on an endless journey for a deeper understanding of my God.

While much of what I believe is based strongly on Christianity, some of my thoughts and realizations are a little beyond that. It’s hard to explain. I’m constantly trying to bring all of this together in my own mind.

Each day, I pray the way Jabez did. I meditate on the words and pray:

Oh, that You would bless me indeed;
And enlarge my territory.
That your hand would be with me
And that you would keep me from evil
That I may not cause pain.

Oh, What A Journey!

When I started this blog, I had ideas for it. I was going to blog every day; in fact, I planned to start each day with a post here. I would then be able to look back at my journey and be amazed or grateful or whatever. I was sure I’d have an “Aha!” moment. I hoped to reach out to others wishing to lead a more spiritual life.

Even though I dropped the ball on this blog, I did have an Aha moment. I looked back and realized what I had always known: Going “where He leads” means accepting plans other than my own. In this case, it meant walking away from here and learning to cope with situations out of my control.

Some of what I’ve learned and come to understand is so profound because it is so simple. I’m not sure I’ll be able to write properly about it but I will eventually try. I’m not even certain what direction this blog will take or whether I’ll make any sense of it. I just know that I am struggling to understand more and hope to share it here.

Or maybe I’ll just ask questions. We shall see….

PRAYER TO SAINT JUDE

O most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus — People honor and invoke you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, for I am so helpless and alone. Please help to bring me visible and speedy assistance. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (state your request) and that I may praise God with you always. I promise, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you by publishing this request. Amen.

Afraid To Pray

I’m afraid. My fear is keeping me from asking God for help. I’m sure that seems odd but it’s true.

I’ve prayed so long and so hard for two very special intentions that I’m beginning to lose faith. Both situations have gotten worse and worse over the years and now I find myself avoiding praying altogether. I’m afraid that if I pray and still receive no help, my faith will be destroyed.

I know that God does everything in His own time; I know that sometimes when we ask, He says No. Knowing all that doesn’t do much good, though. There are times when I become so distraught that I doubt God’s very existence. That’s why I’m afraid to pray. I’m afraid that if my prayers are not answered, I’ll give up on God. I’m at that point.

So, Where Is My Faith?

It’s the day of reckoning here. This is the day that my family has awaited, prayed about, anticipated. It all comes down to God answering our prayers now. We didn’t set a deadline; the date was chosen for us.

I’m feeling helpless. I’ve done everything I thought I ought to do but nothing worked. I know that I have no power over this situation. I know that it’s all in God’s hands and that should make me feel confident. My faith should carry me through these next few hours.

Instead, I’m a nervous wreck.

I feel like a fake. I believe in God. I pray and ask for His blessings. And then I worry. Where is my faith? If I truly believe then should I not be at peace right now?

Okay, my friends. I need prayers. I need prayers beginning now and especially at 5pm Eastern time. Pray that my faith is strengthened. Pray that the Lord will pour His blessings on our family. Pray that we make it through this. Pray.

Mothers And Sons

I am Catholic; my daughter-in-law is not. Not long ago she asked me the reason for praying the Hail Mary and the Rosary. I explained that we do not pray to Mary as we do to Jesus. Rather, we ask Mary to intercede for us. Catholics believe in the intercession of Saints.

When I was reading my Bible yesterday, it became a little more clear to me. I read John 2 about the wedding in Cana, attended by Jesus, his disciples and his mother.

When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

“Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied, “My time has not yet come.”

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

John 2: 3-5

We all know what happens next – Jesus performs his first miracle. He changed the water into wine, simply because his mother asked him to do it. That is what any good son would do for his loving mother.

I don’t mind that some Christian denominations don’t share my beliefs regarding the intercession of saints. I understand that not all Christians honor Mary the way we Catholics do. For those who always wondered about this, though, this is how this Catholic views the mother of Jesus and why I pray the Rosary. I talk to Mary mother to mother, woman to woman. I ask her to intercede on my behalf. And I try to be the kind of woman and mother that she is.

In A Minute!

Do you have kids? If so, you’ve probably heard those three words more than you can count. Whether we remind the kids to take out the trash, make their beds or do their homework, something else is always more important or must be completed first before they do as they’re told. Of course, that “something” is often a phone call with a best friend, the ending of a TV show or some online communication. It’s clear that these things that don’t seem important to us are very important to them – more important than obeying their loving parents.

As much as I’d like to think that I’ve outgrown that behavior in my own life, the truth is I spend a lot of time telling my heavenly Father “In a minute!” I wake in the morning, make coffee, see the family off to work and school then… read my email. I might check a few forums or read the tweets that accumulated overnight. For someone who starts her day at 5am you’d think I’d get to my morning prayers and meditation well before 10am! And yet, as noon fast approaches, I’m still thinking, “Just one more minute.”

Nothing I do from the moment my family leaves the house until the time that I actually sit down with my Lord is more important than my relationship with Him. Nothing matters if I don’t obey Him. Like a self centered child, I put Him off, telling Him to wait. Of course, just like one of my own kids, when I want something from my Father, I beg and plead because I want it NOW.

It’s time that I stop procrastinating in the morning and start making God my top priority. Email and twitter can wait. Chit chatting at forums can wait. My Father has waited for me long enough.

It’s Uncomfortable

I realized just today that God doesn’t want me to get too comfortable. When I’m comfortable, I get lazy. I take Him for granted. I forget to praise Him or to work for Him. I neglect the only One who never lets me down and who is always by my side.

This morning, I delayed my prayers while I relaxed and enjoyed the quiet morning. I occupied my mind with things that weren’t important so I could just “chill.” I procrastinated away a few hours when God shook me. Discomfort set in and I knew He was wanting my attention, just as I am always requesting His.

So I prayed. I meditated. I was still while I waited to hear His word. That’s when I realized that every single day, every moment even, must be dedicated to my Lord. I have to force myself to step out of that easy, comfortable place and be bold for Him.

Doing His work is not easy. It takes courage to do the right thing. The right thing is often uncomfortable, but it’s always worth it. The blessings that He bestows are equal to the discomfort that we willingly accept in His name.

Into The Fire

How much longer will you forget me, LORD? Forever?
How much longer will you hide yourself from me?
How long must I endure trouble?
How long will sorrow fill my heart day and night?
How long will my enemies triumph over me?

Look at me, O LORD my God, and answer me.
Restore my strength; don’t let me die.
Don’t let my enemies say, “We have defeated him.”
Don’t let them gloat over my downfall.

I rely on your constant love;
I will be glad, because you will rescue me.
I will sing to you, O LORD,
because you have been good to me.

Psalm 13

Wow. I sure can relate to the way David is feeling in that psalm. I’ve spent the better part of the past two weeks or so crying out to the Lord, asking Him why he forgot me, wondering how long my heart must ache. Like David, it was when I turned my crying and grief to prayer that I was finally able to see God’s hand working in my life.

I’m beginning to realize that God’s answer to me isn’t exactly what I was expecting. I thought His answer would comfort me but it seems God wants me to rely so completely on Him that there will be no doubt of His love for me. The best way I can describe God’s answer to my prayer is that He picked us up out of the frying pan and tossed us directly into the fire. At this point, we must rely on Him, no questions asked. He is demanding total trust.

As David says, “I rely on your constant love; I will be glad, because you will rescue me.” It will not be a man, a parent, a friend who comes to my aid; it will the Lord. He wants me to put my complete trust in Him.

I do trust Him. I am at peace.

(If you read this to the end, please keep my family in your prayers. And feel free to let me know you were here in my comments so I can pray for you, too.)